One of my favorite scenes in any season of “Hard Knocks” was during the Falcons’ season back in 2014, when assistant coach Bryan Cox is discussing the Academy Awards with a couple other Falcons. His lament? The academy doesn’t ever nominate movies that regular people like, like “The Hangover” or “Horrible Bosses”.
I couldn’t agree more. Every year I look at the nominees, and every year I wonder to myself if any of my friends (other than John McClain, who’s seen every movie ever made) have seen more than one, maybe two, of these movies. Just because a movie has intricate story lines requiring full mental engagement doesn’t make it a great movie.
Me? I like to sit down in my seat and not have to think too much. In fact, there’s a small (and by small, I mean big) part of me that actually savors cringeworthy acting, implausible storylines, and bawdy humor. If I ran the Academy, “The Replacements” would have been treated like “The Godfather.” I am a walking, talking guilty pleasure machine!
So with that in mind, here are my five favorite movies with Rotten Tomatoes:
ROCKY V (28 percent)
This is, far and away, the most maligned movie in the Rocky franchise. In fact, Stallone hated it so much, he released “Rocky Balboa” in 2006 under that name, presumably because naming it “Rocky VI” would be acknowledging the existence of “Rocky V”. Screw that, I loved “Rocky V”. In fact, my 340th viewing of it on Saturday morning was my inspiration for this post. Sure, does the movie end with Rocky completely destitute and brain damaged? Yes. And do we pretty much despise every member of Rocky’s family other than him? Sure, but Rocky won a street fight against his heel-turned protege, and that’s all that matters.
Also, whether you like the movie or not, it’s inarguable that these are the best end credits in cinema history:
Someone get me a Kleenex, STAT!
NO HOLDS BARRED (11 percent)
Back in 1988, Hulk Hogan took a hiatus from the wrestling business so he could go to Hollywood and make “No Holds Barred”, which in retrospect, is like Billy Joel taking a hiatus from music to open a mall kiosk. “No Holds Barred” was basically the story of a good-guy wrestler (played by Hogan) who, through a series of events, is forced to fight an ex-con (played by Tiny Lister) managed by another promoter. The funny thing is that, like six months after the release, Hogan would actually be wrestling Lister on ACTUAL WWF TV.
If you want an idea of the acting level in this movie, here’s the most memorable scene….
REVENGE OF THE NERDS II: NERDS IN PARADISE (7 percent)
This movie holds a special place in my heart because me and eight of my buddies were extras in a scene during filming back in 1987. We were spending our senior year spring break in Fort Lauderdale and literally stumbled upon the filming of a beach scene, and they invited us to be extras in what they called a “rap battle” scene, or something like that. While at first we thought that the directors saw something in us, and this was an exclusive invitation, we quickly found out the night of the rap filming that they’d invited like 1,000 people, and indeed we were not special.
Here is that scene, and oh by the way, none of us made it into the movie:
NO ON 15!!! (I don’t even remember what “15” was!)
THE ALLNIGHTER (0 percent)
I’ll be honest, I don’t remember one element of the plot of “The All Nighter”. The only thing I remember is this scene with the breathtaking Susanna Hoffs, lead singer of “The Bangles”:
This movie has a zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes, based on seven reviews. I will say it right now — there is no way any of the seven people reviewing that movie are heterosexual males. This movie deserves a thumbs up based solely on the scene above.
Sean Pendergast is on “The Triple Threat” from 2:00 to 6:00 p.m. weekdays, and can be found on Twitter @SeanTPendergast