The Houston Astros made a big move on Thursday signing free agent Josh Reddick to star in their outfield. Reddick is known to wear a full Spiderman suit under his uniform for every game.
This may sound weird, but it is completely justified.
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It’s a suitable thing for him.
The Astros already have a superhero on the team in pitcher Lance McCullers who wore batman cleats in his Major League debut in 2015.
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Young, attractive, following in his father’s footsteps, if that isn’t Bruce Wayne we don’t know what is.
With that in mind, we thought we’d cast the rest of the Astros roster as Superheroes. If nothing else it will give them Halloween Costumes to wear as they fly to Chicago for game 6 of the World Series next year.
Batman: Lance McCullers
We already addressed this.
Spider-Man: Josh Reddick
Ant-Man: Jose Altuve
He’s little most of the time and packs more punch than you would expect someone of his stature to produce such power. He also can become Giant-Mn when the moment calls for it.
The Hulk: Evan Gattis
Big and powerful and someone you don’t want to make angry. Very few people can handle hitting Major League fastballs without batting gloves. Of course, it’s easy when you are filled with gamma radiation.
Iron Man: Alex Bregman
Has all the tools, can do everything and anything you need him to. Also pretty popular with the ladies. Has some swagger. No confirmation that he can actually fly or has an Arc-Reactor keeping his heart safe from shrapnel.
Captain America: George Springer
He might not be the best superhero/player of the group but he absolutely holds this team together and others follow in his footsteps. Also an American boy from New Britain, CT you can always trust on Springer.
The Flash: Tony Kemp
He’s really fast.
Hawkeye: Dallas Kuechel
There isn’t something necessarily super about Hawkeye (much like Green Arrow) but the accuracy in which they fire their shots is other-worldly. Just like Keuchel.
Wolverine: Carlos Correa
How does someone break their leg like Correa did in the minor leagues and come back better and stronger? It’s obviously his rejuvenation powers. Now that he’s covered in adamantium, we should have no problem with injuries. Also, he’s obviously everyone’s favorite.
Thor: Brian McCann
We don’t know much about Brian McCann, who the Astros traded for on Thursday. We just know he has crossed the Bifrost bridge into our world to make it a better place and use his powerful hammer Mjolnir to swat home runs. (If McCann doesn’t name his bat Mjolnir now, we’re going to be greatly disappointed.)
Human Torch: Ken Giles
Sometimes he is just spitting fireballs past hitters and other times he just completely bursts into flames. It’s a wild ride, but it is fun and can be really rewarding.
Aquaman: Jake Mariznick
When an Astros player hits a home run they are splashed with a cup of water for their efforts by the man in charge of the water, Jake Mariznick. Also for some reason, some people just hate him.
Cyclopse: A.J. Hinch
The leader of the X-Men the man who takes the tools given to him by Professor X and makes them work together for the good of Houston. Also, don’t get caught in his stare if you do something wrong.
Professor X: Jeff Luhnow
The man who brings all the pieces together to form the ultimate team. Scouring the globe for the best, with the best tools to properly complement each other, this man is the brains behind it all.
Who did we miss? Who did we get wrong? Let us know:
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