NOTE: IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN “OATHBREAKER” – GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6, EPISODE 3 – THEN DON’T READ ANY FURTHER.
SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD.
LOTS OF SPOILERS.
LAST CHANCE TO TURN BACK.
Waking from the dead would be pretty f*cking traumatic. Jon was shocked. Ser Davos was shocked. But Melisandre’s face? The most shocked. And here she is asking Jon all these questions right after he wakes up. Back off, devil woman!
Everyone wonders what’ll happen after you die. But based off Beric Dondarrion and Jon Snow’s experiences, we know just one thing happens after death in Westeros: Nothing. With all the “magic” in this universe, that’s pretty damn depressing.
It was nice to see the reception that Jon got after his resurrection. Tormund came in hot with a wiener joke. That’s our Tormund!
Even better? Jon Snow’s bro Eddison Tollett, who now appears to be the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. He’s easily been the most reliable Watcher on the Wall. That leads us to the big question: where will Jon Snow go? Will he lead an army to march on the Boltons? Will he become a wandering drunk? Or will he stumble into a brothel looking for the most Ygritte-y red head in the land? Time will tell. But his watch is over. PLAY HIM OFF!
Now, to the deaths. Alliser Thorne is one of the more hatable characters in the show. But I’m going to miss him. Yeah, he was always a d-bag to Jonny boy. But the guy had strong takes and was a valuable member of the Night’s Watch. He thought it was a bad idea to let the Wildlings South of The Wall. Can you blame him? I don’t.
As for Ollie . . . I enjoyed seeing you go. But it was too easy. I wish the Thenns had eaten you alive.
The Sad Jordan face has run its course, right? Let’s begin the “Dead Ollie” phase of internet memes! 3, 2, 1:
THE SEA/SEE/NOT THIS STORY ARC AGAIN
First thing’s first. Sam Tarly is a nice guy. And showed that he’s got some major “chutzpah” in the battle for Castle Black AND standing up for Gilly that one time. But I want NO part of the storyline between those two lovebirds. It was torture before. And more scenes of it will be worse. It’s like watching a sitcom AFTER the couple that was always “meant to get together” finally “gets together”. After that point? The writers typically build entire episodes over the drama created by something like . . . Sam vomiting right after Gilly says that he’s Sam Junior’s father. Please get to Oldtown. Thanks.
THE PAST AND STUFF
Yo. Three Eyed Raven. The people want to know if R + L = J. Stop cock-blocking us with your teases.
Ned Stark always gave Jaime Lannister a ton of crap for stabbing the Mad King in the back. So it was pretty ironic to see him be the beneficiary of back-stabbage (though he didn’t ask for it). Killing the dual wielding Arthur Dayne – AKA “The Sword of the Morning” – in single combat? Sounds pretty impressive. Ned was never one to boast, but I doubt he was forthcoming with the whole “Yeah, actually Howland Reed stabbed him in the back of the neck, bro” part.
Stuck up Daenerys is the worst. Are you even aware of your current situation, bro? You’re entirely by yourself among the Dothraki, and your teen dragon is out on a bender somewhere burninating peasants.
So stop acting all high and mighty. Shut up and play along. Otherwise you’re gonzo.
The Dothraki are all about traditions. And since Daenerys didn’t know about the whole “Lock all the Khal’s widows in a Wigwam” deal, she’s now HOPING they’ll let her live there. I wouldn’t be mad if they didn’t let that happen.
The Spider has a way with words. He’s the most polite threat-giver of all time. And last night he learned that the Sons of the Harpie are funded by . . . all the other free cities in Essos.
I was curious as to how Tyrion spends his days off screen. I’m amazed he hasn’t drunk himself to death yet. Grey Worm and Missandei are SQUARES. You guys can’t even hold a conversation! We’ll see what “message” Tyrion sends back to those pissed off free cities.
Qyburn is picking up where Varys left off as the “Master of Whispers”. He’s a tad creepy. But he seems to be an okay dude.
Cersei is already back to “Kill Everyone” mode. And feels like she’s in control. She isn’t even remotely fazed by the upcoming second part of her trial. Probably because she’s thinking that Franken-Mountain will save the day in another trial-by-combat.
I’m surprised the Mountain didn’t smash another skull this episode. First you’ve got Jaime talking bleep. Then Pycelle, who definitely farted when that monster walked in the room.
By the way, Pycelle isn’t the bumbling oaf he appears to be. Here’s a deleted scene where he shows his true self:
Interesting to note Pycelle is already working with House Tyrell after watching the video above. Who does he really serve? He seemed unsure. And how about Kevin Lannister (the new hand of the King), Olenna Tyrell, Mace Tyrell, and Pycelle pulling a page out of the Mean Girls playbook?
The Lannister/Tyrell alliance is in some troubled waters. And King Tommen isn’t helping. Just an episode ago he was asking Cersei to teach him to be strong. It looked like whatever pep talk she gave him worked. He stormed into the Sept trying to boss the High Sparrow around. Naturally, the High Sparrow casually talked him down. Between his Sparrow-ness, his mother, and Margaery, he’s wayyy too easy to influence.
THE HOUSE OF BLACK AND WHITE
A blind girl knows kung fu. And a blind girl is no longer a blind girl.
She drank the death-water. And the Many Faced God didn’t kill her. Has she truly given up being Arya Stark? Once again, I’ll be disappointed if that’s the case.
I’ve missed Bronn through these three episodes. But I hope we get some more Smalljon Umber. The dude talks just as much trash as Bronn, and did it in the face of the Boltons. That takes some serious cajones.
We’ve been wondering where the hell Rickon Stark went. It’s been a while since we saw him last. Season three, in fact. Unfortunately, Mr. Umber found him, our old wildling friend Osha, and his
direwolf Shaggy Dog his direwolf Shaggy Dog’s head.
I predicted that the Boltons would find Rickon Stark soon a couple of Spoiler Alert podcasts ago. And I don’t think we’re going to like what happens to Rickon next. Just a guess.
Jim Mudd and I will break the episode down in MORE detail – plus Captain America: Civil War – in this week’s Spoiler Alert Podcast, coming Tuesday.
Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – weeknights 7-11 PM on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57 and the Spoiler Alert podcast – available weekly on SportsRadio610.com and iTunes. Get in touch with Paul via email or at his facebook page: Paul Gallant: SportsRadio610.