The Houston Texans have started three different quarterbacks this year. Last Year they started three different quarterbacks and played four. In 2013, they started two total QBs but saw three different guys play. There are currently four current or former Houston Texans getting ready to start in week 12 of the NFL season (assuming Case Keenum was guided to the plane back to St. Louis after getting knocked out on Sunday). We’re going to look at the nine current or former Texans quarterbacks and rank them to who you should want starting for your team this week.
1. T.J. Yates
We’re riding the hot hand with good old Thomas Jeremiah Yates in the number one spot. He is the Texans quarterback with the most recent win on his resume. (Most recent two wins if you include his come from behind Monday Night football replacement win against the Bengals.) T.J. knows how to come through when you need him the most. He also is the first Texans QB ever to win a playoff game in Houston. He is the favorite of this list and the person everyone should want to lead your team onto the field on Sunday.
2. Tom Savage
Yes, we know Tom is on IR and can’t start. But if he could you would want him out there. His arm is fresh. He hasn’t thrown a pass all year. Imagine the zip he’ll be putting on out routes to your slot receiver. Tommy is unproven, but Tommy knows what it takes to get out there and lead a team to victory. He’s been watching T.J. Yates do it for two games now.
3. Brian Hoyer
His track record might not be great, but just wait until you look at the rest of this list. Hoyer started the season as the Houston Texans quarterback, then got pulled, then got plugged back in as the starter. Then got hurt. But Bill O’Brien has so much confidence in him that he isn’t even letting T.J. Yates, THE GREAT TRAVIS JACQUIE YATES, take his spot. O’Brien said after another win by Yates (so typical of Terrance Joseph to win) that “Brian is our starter.” A guy that good has to be in the top three.
4. Ryan Fitzpatrick
There is some sort of magic in that beard. Everyone with a great beard does magic.
I need no other proof.
Fitzy’s beard doesn’t contain enough magic to make him better than Trigger Jonathan, but it’s long enough to give him a fighting chance every time he steps on the field. It also allows him to completely avoid concussions, as noted on his touchdown run against the Texans on Sunday (see above photo).
5. Brandon Weedon
Brandon has started for the Dallas Cowboys this season. Anyone who is good enough to start for America’s team is good enough to start for any of the other 30 teams vying to be Canada’s team (the Patriots are Cuba’s team. Commies). We’ll take Weedon under center, in the shotgun, in the wildcat, however, he needs to be used. But only after those other four guys ahead of him aren’t available. But a vote for Brandon is a vote for America.
6. Thad Lewis
Yes, Thaddeus Lewis was a Houston Texans quarterback. No, Thaddeus didn’t step on the field for the Texans. Yes, It’s been two years since Thaddeus has thrown a pass in the NFL. No, he is not currently selling cars at a dealership in Durham, North Carolina. Yes, Thaddeus should be starting over these next three guys in the NFL.
7. Case Keenum
We know. Case is the all-time leader of some stat that gets broken every few years in college football. We’re not sure Case knows what college he went two right now. He actually probably thinks he went to a college and not a University (there is a difference). That guy doesn’t need to be starting in the NFL. But once Case can see straight again and isn’t being picked up and dropped by 300-pound linemen right after a serious head injury, look out Tommy, Case is coming for your spot.
8. Ryan Mallett
The only quarterback not on a current NFL roster, (probably because he’s been late to any workouts that have been offered to him) Mallett should only be starting for a team if you have no other option. If you are so desperate you are thinking about having guys who have as many pick-sixes thrown as touchdowns in their last chunk of games, call Ryan, he’s a better option. Speaking of pick-sixes.
9. Matt Schaub
Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens to sticking to their guns. They might want to stick to the run game this week against the Browns.