RIP, oh 2015 Houston Texans. We had bad times. And we had bad times. You’re 1 – 4, impossible to watch, and somehow behind both the Jaguars and Titans. And now . . . we must bid you adieu.
[Note: any of these songs below are suitable background music for the rest of this post]
We shall never forget the time Ryan Mallett didn’t throw a LASER on a short pass…that was still dropped. Also, it was intercepted and stuff.
We’ll always look back fondly at the time a 40 year old man somehow still in the NFL – a man that per his coach was “on his deathbed” with “lots of stuff coming out of the attic, then a lot of stuff coming out of the basement” – passed for 213 yards with 2 TDs and 0 interceptions against a supposedly great defense.
I know that I’ll treasure
Gary Kubiak’s Bill O’Brien’s love of third and long draws . . . not to mention every single time they’ve called a pass play designed for a running back . . . and comebacks for DeAndre Hopkins . . .
While we’re on that, I’ll forever in my heart cherish the time a supposedly washed up wide receiver – that the Texans fired before this season – had 6 catches for 77 yards and 2 TDs against that same great defense.
We’ll hold dear the time a 6’6, 245 pound quarterback couldn’t get the necessary one yard on a third down and inches QB sneak. Not to mention, the 10 minutes of unintentional comedy from sad, pouty Ryan Mallett faces.
I’ll always remember how J.J. Watt extended a drive with a borderline roughing the passer call . . . and how quickly I forgot that play when the only good punt return that the Texans have ever had was wiped out by a Jumal Rolle hold . . . and how quickly I forgot that when an Eddie “I’m really just here for the flags, guys” Pleasant hold wiped out a Raheem Moore interception . . . and how quickly I forgot that when Kareem Jackson threw Dwayne Allen out the back of the end zone, but then reacted with shock when he was called for a pass interference . . . and how quickly I forgot that when DeAndre Hopkins threw the ball at a Colts defender and got a 15 yard penalty on the last drive of the game . . . and how I remembered all of this at once when I saw the Texans were penalized 13 times for 125 yards.
Hey remember the time that Jaelen Strong basically out-produced four games worth of Cecil Shorts III and Nate Washington on two catches? Good times.
And we must forever commemorate the time non-descript wide receiver Griff Whalen killed all of that Hail Mary momentum with a 50 yard kickoff return.
And of course, who can forget the time our Bri-Guy accidentally punted on third down in the fourth quarter? I know I’ll bear that in mind . . . for all my years.
Hey, at least there’s only 11 more of these. Take it away Rick!
Paul Gallant co-hosts the “B-Straw and Pauly G” show – Tuesdays 9-11 PM, Wednesdays 8-11 PM, and Fridays 8-11 PM – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or at his facebook page: Paul Gallant: SportsRadio610.