In “The B-Straw and Pauly G Bracket”, Paul Gallant and Brien Straw create tournaments – in the world of sports and beyond – where only one can prevail. They accept listener and reader nominations every week, announcing the topic every Monday at 9 PM CT on “B-Straw and Pauly G”.

This week’s bracket was inspired by the video below:

Announcer fellah saw “a little splash”. I don’t know about you, but I saw a giant f*cking shark.

Props to Mick Fanning for being able to fight that killing machine off. I’d have fainted/pissed myself been Quint quite quickly.

Back to the bracket. Mick’s defeat of death got me thinking. Sharks scare the hell out of me. But like all fish, they’re also feeble-minded idiots. With that in mind – if put in a Thunderdome or Hunger Games-esque setting – what animal would we crown as King of the Animal Kingdom?

1. Polar Bear

Pick any arena: you ain’t beating this monster.

By land? YOU’RE DEAD. An 8 foot tall Coca-Cola mascot ran you down at 25 MPH and Freddy Kreugered you. By sea? ALSO DEAD. Polar Bears can swim ~ 100 miles at a time . . . hunting seals . . . walruses . . . whales . . . your family.

2. Hippopotamus

Hippos are nature’s frat boys. Step in their territory at your own peril.

“But Paul, what is this peril you speak of?”

But seriously, these bros murder Lions and Crocs all the time. They’ll flip over your boat and chomp you to death.

3. Killer Whale

Easily the smartest animal in this bracket. Hell, if they had opposable thumbs, they’d probably develop W.M.D.s.

PS – Replace that fish with a slab of prime rib and I’d be dead too.

4. Leopard

Leopards edged out Tigers for the 4 seed. Why? Because when they aren’t terrorizing villages in India, they’re climbing trees/being the Batman

5. Tiger

Remind me to never set foot outside again.

6. Great White Shark

Sharks terrify me. And in the open water, they’re killing machines. But at the end of the day, they’re just giant, stupid fish. Take this moron for example. He pea-cocked in front of his boys trying to catch a seagull. Then, SURPRISE! He couldn’t breathe. You barely made the bracket, hoss.

Listener Nominations

7. Elephant

I’ve got a bone to pick with this nomination. On paper, Elephants should be on this list. They’re huge. I mean, that’s a bleeping baby fighting off a pride above. That said, would any of the animals above bro out with humans? Or let them ride on top? Hell no #Soft.

8. Crocodile

Speaking of frauds, get a load of this mamby pamby purse. Get back in the water, lay out, and get some more sun you beach bum.

Friday at 9 PM CT on “B-Straw and Pauly G”, a bracket will be created, and a “Championship” will be won.

Paul Gallant co-hosts the “B-Straw and Pauly G” show – weeknights 7-11 PM on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or at his facebook page: Paul Gallant: SportsRadio610.

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Brien Straw also co-hosts “B-Straw and Pauly G” – weeknights 7-11 PM on SportsRadio 610. Get in touch with Brien via email.

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