The Texans dumped the Dolphins 24-17 in a surprisingly interesting second preseason game.


Oh Hai Brian

Brian Cushing didn’t miss a beat after 10 months off rehabbing from a torn ACL. He was his typical barbaric self, flying around like a mad man and wreaking havoc in the backfield (one tackle for a loss, and one near decapitation/sack of Ryan Tannehill…more on that play later) for his 10 play stint.

Is this Brian Cushing’s ancestor?

I’d like to think so.


I preface my thoughts with this. It’s the preseason. Those were backups. Also…it’s the preseason.

But UGH. You can’t help but get irrationally sprung when you see this guy:
– 1.) Chucking TD bombs into the end zone on 4th and short
– 2.) Show off his sixth sense in the pocket
– 3.) And make EXCITING throw-aways

He was 11-18 for 150 yards and a TD. That said – until he does it against a first team defense – pump the breaks on this guy starting over Schaub.

Das Boots

Keenum wasn’t the only QB who played well. The Texans’ trademark bootleg was VICIOUS Saturday night, helping Keenum, Matt Schaub, and T.J. Yates carve up the Dolphins for 303 yards and 3 TDs (2 of which came off the boot). All the more surprising because the Texans running game looked bleghhhhhhhhh for the most part (despite 28 carries for 112 yards).

Meanwhile, the Texans new boot had another solid game. Randy Bullock and his ‘Bama Frat Bro haircut smashed 2 touchbacks on kickoffs (negating any potential for !MARCIANO! moments) and a 46 yard FG.


Antonio Smith’s Anger Management

Remember Cushing’s flying missed sack? Well apparently this also happened:

Goossfraba Antonio. Ripping off an opponent’s helmet – and then clubbing him with it – is generally frowned upon. Still, you can’t help but laugh when “The Ninja” drops the Dolphins helmet. You can just imagine his disappointment realizing he wasn’t swinging a katana.

The recipient of the face smashing? Richie Incognito – widely regarded as one of the dirtiest players in the NFL. He and Smith have a bit of a history.

Smith was fined 21K for that kick last season. He’ll be suspended the rest of the preseason AND week one against the Chargers for this latest incident.

Did Smith make a mistake? Absolutely, and it could cost the Texans. But given Incognito’s track record, you can’t help but imagine the attack could have been deserved.

Matt Schaub Didn’t Win The Beauty Pageant

We all wish the Texans had that sexy, elite QB. Tom Brady of the world. Aaron Rodgers. Or Ali Larter in a whipped cream bikini.

Uhhh how did I get here…and what am I talking about?

Oh yeah.

The Texans don’t have that QB. They have Amy Smart’s character from “Varsity Blues” (who is also smoking hot, but comparatively bland in the movie). A good looking girl next door…and extremely predictable. Predictable is nice…but it gets stale…especially when Case Keenum plays like this [in the preseason]

BAM. And unless Schaub went 10-10 for 500 yards and 10 TDs, he’d comparatively look like this:

Naturally, since Schaub noodle armed a couple of passes and tossed a pick, we all want more Jennifer Love Hewitt. Even though she’s a legitimately awful human being in “Hearbreakers”, the only sample of her we get is in that pink dress.

And the only sample of Keenum we’ve gotten has been dominance against backups. Maybe Case can be a starter for the Texans down the road. But he hasn’t even beaten out T.J. Yates as backup (yet) and has no NFL experience. Let’s cool the jets and be patient.

Dustin Keller’s Career

Ow. Torn ACL. Torn PCL. Torn MCL. And a disclocated knee.

Was the hit made with ill-intent? I think not. Calm down Brian Hartline.

I’m more concerned about this. In just two games, we’ve seen rookie safety D.J. Swearinger leave his feet TWICE to make a tackle. Both above, and as part of this disaster play. For a guy who prides himself on tackling, that’s a bad habit he needs to change. If he doesn’t, we could see more whiffed tackles. Or even personal fouls.

The Secondary

We consider Johnathan Joseph one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. But seeing Mike Wallace burn him a few times was eerily reminiscent of the way he played down the stretch last season while banged up. Alarming when you remember in June when Joseph said he felt “better than I’ve ever felt.”

Meanwhile, depth at safety is sorely lacking. Shiloh Keo left the game with a quad contusion. While he’s expected to play against the Saints Sunday, Eddie Pleasant (sprained knee) has missed practice the last two days with a sprained knee.


Keenum V Yates

Once again, Keenum shined, this time against the second string D. Still, Yates was no slouch. Kubiak has yet to make a decision at backup QB, a battle that will likely last through preseason game 4.

3rd String Running Back

Deji Karim was effective, rushing for 55 yards and averaging 6 yards a carry. Everyone else took a step back. Cierre Wood was decent, but did little on special teams. Dennis Johnson was worst, struggling to run the ball, fumbling it away on one carry, then muffing a punt later.

Keshawn Martin V Lestar Jean

With DeVier Posey off of the PUP list, these two are fighting for playing time as the 4th WR. And both looked pretty good. Jean has 2 catches for 57 yards, including a 38 yard score from Keenum, while Martin had 4 catches for 46 yards. Martin likely has the leg up since he’s a slot receiver.

Get in contact with Paul Gallant on Twitter – @PaulyGRadio – or on Facebook – Paul Gallant.