TALE OF THE TAPE

Who Has The Intangibles? The Yanks Vs. Red Devils

The USA and Belgium match up on Tuesday for a shot at the quarterfinals of the World Cup. But who will win? Here is how the USA and Belgium match up in ways that actually don’t mean anything on the pitch. Winner goes home and maybe one of these arbitrary things will sway the game.

The Yanks
Red Devils
USA v Germany: Group G - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
Korea Republic v Belgium: Group H - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
Nickname
Winner Powerful and screams victory! The Yanks beat the English when they wanted independence. They came over to Europe and saved the continent (AND BELGIUM) twice!
This name is just evil. Like it is actually evil.
Jerseys
Winner White, and classy. Clean. Like we're ready to partake in a fancy dinner with an aristocrat's daughter shortly after the game.
Cute Burger King crown. Here's your toy.
Distinctive Hair Style
Winner Kyle Beckerman's Dreadlocks. It says: I'm a free spirit who does what I want and what I want is to not waste my time washing my hair. I spend those extra 10 minutes a day training and becoming amazing!
Marouane Fellaini's fro. It says: Look at how much i care about my hair, it's so soft and beautiful. (We hear he uses the tears of kittens to keep it so soft.)
Coach's Attire
Winner Jurgen Klinsmann trots out in the best Nike has to offer. Whether it's a blue polo with khakis or a blue polo with khakis and a jacket it is pure coaching fashion brilliance!
Marc Wilmots wears a suit that looks like his father, handed down to him to wear at high school graduation. We know Belgium isn't a world capital for fashion, but come on Wilmots!
Twitter Hashtag
Winner #IBelieveThatWeWillWin - The most awesome hashtag in the history of hashtags. There is no better way to show the belief in the USA then with this hashtag.
#BEL - Ohh twitter puts up a little flag on there...is that Germany? Ohh no it's Belgium. BORING!

The Winner Is

USA v Germany: Group G - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
Winner The Yanks
5 out of 5

Of Course It's A Sweep! The USA owns everything about this matchup against the Belgium squad many liked as a dark horse to win the whole thing. If this comes down to the intangables, the USA has this locked up. #IBeliveThatWeWillWin

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