TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: Oberyn Vs The Mountain

Oberyn Martell
Gregor Clengane
Size:
6'2" - 195lbs
7'3" - 420lbs
Nickname
Winner Oberyn is nicknamed "The Red Viper." The word "viper" in a nickname puts the floor for coolness at, at worst, a B+.
Clegane is nicknamed "The Mountain," which doesn't exactly scream creativity. I'm way more scared of snakes than I am massive hills (unless I have to bike up them).
SIZE/STRENGTH:
Ummmm...Look at the other guy.
Winner Dude, Clegane's nickname is THE MOUNTAIN. In his pre fight workouts, Clegane is killing guys like three at a time. (By the way, is there a worse job in Westeros than "Gregor Clegane sparring partner"?)
SEXUAL APPETITE:
Winner Oberyn gets most of his action in brothels and is far more inclusive (Oberyn's motto: "Men, women, whatever!"). Oberyn, though, does have a hard time keeping from conceiving with eight known bastard children. (Oberyn is the Antonio Cromartie of Westeros.)
Winner The Mountain gets most of his "action" non-consensually and through extremely vicious methods.
INTANGIBLES:
Winner Revenge is a powerful motivator, and it's hard to find a greater source for revenge than your opponent raping your sister and then killing her children while still soaked in the blood of her dead children. In sports parlance, this would be the same motivation the Spurs have to beat the Heat, except pretend in addition to knocking down the series saving three pointer in 2013, Ray Allen also slept with Gregg Popovich's wife in George Gervin's bed.
The Mountain's Sword is about as big as Oberyn...
VEGAS ODDS
OBERYN +175
Winner CLEGANE -250

We'll Just Call it a Tie

Oberyn is fueled by a lifelong passion for revenge against the man who defiled and murdered his sister and her children. But the Mountain is just fueled by the opportunity to kill. We won't know the real winner until the Trial By Combat Sunday Night (or of course if you'd read the books.)

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