TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
File photo of santa.(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
File photo of santa.(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images) (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Indianapolis Colts At New York Giants

    The Colts are going to have to shake off last week’s pounding at Pittsburgh, and that’s going to be one more test for Andrew Luck.

  2. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images) (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Baltimore Ravens At Pittsburgh Steelers

    Joe Flacco was not at his best in the Ravens’ Week Eight loss at Cincinnati, as he completed 17-of-34 passes for 195 yards with no touchdowns and two interceptions.

  3. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images) (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Oakland Raiders At Seattle Seahawks

    It’s been a difficult learning process for rookie quarterback Derek Carr, and the problems have been exacerbated by the lack of talent surrounding the signal caller.

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 25,195 other followers