610SPOR2 35h_CBSSportsRad_Houston

TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
File photo of santa.(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
File photo of santa.(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. USA v Germany: Group G - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil Korea Republic v Belgium: Group H - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil
    Who Has The Intangibles? The Yanks Vs. Red Devils

    Here is how the USA and Belgium match up in ways that actually don’t mean anything on the field. Winner goes home and maybe one of these arbitrary things will sway the game.

  2. 98271580 129736250
  3. (Photo Credit: Getty Images/Richard Heathcote) (Photo Credit: Getty Images/Warren Little)
    Tale Of The Tape: Winter Olympics In Sochi Vs. FIFA World Cup In Brazil

    With both sites having their share of issues in hosting major international sporting events, we went to the tape to decide who was the worst host of 2014.

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 24,899 other followers