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99 Ways Houston Is Better Than Dallas

Let’s face it, I45 isn’t the only thing that separates Houston and Dallas. There are a lot of things that are different about the first and third largest cities in the great state of Texas (guess which one is first). It probably seems real easy to look down on Houston from Dallas, considering on a map they are above us and all those super fancy over priced high rise condos. But we all know the facts, Houston is better than Dallas. Here are 99 ways that prove our point. [EDITORS NOTE: It was really hard to trim the list down to 99.]  (See As We Our #HoustonIsBetter Plane Flew Over Cowboys AT&T Stadium)

1. More people want to live here. It’s science.

2. We’re an hour away from the beach, you’re an hour away from Oklahoma.
3. Our Mexican food is better…don’t believe us, come give it a try.

4. Houston has a bigger scoreboard, actually two of them.

5. We never had a Dave Campo Era.
6. Forbes Magazine called Houston the “Coolest City in the Country.”
7. Our teams actually play in Houston, not a suburb.
8. Our Fancy private school doesn’t cheat at football.  It wins Baseball Championships.

9. Our #9 Has Been In The Super Bowl.  Your #9…well…

10. Welcome To Dallas…here’s a giant giraffe. Awesome.
11. Ohh tomorrow is Mardi Gras…not a problem.
12. When people have a problem they call Houston.  Not Dallas.
13. We identify as Houston.  You need another city to have an identity.  DFW.
14. How many freeways are you going to call 35? And why are they east and west, but run north and south!?  Just make two different freeways!

15. Who Did Dwight Howard Pick?

16. Joe Niekro’s knuckle ball.
17. NASA. It’s Science.
18. We don’t have to worry about hockey.
19. Our stadium: power, like our defense.  Your stadium: dropped calls, like your dropped balls.
20. Our football and basketball teams are better known for winning, not their owners.
21. You host the Super Bowl and everyone hates it. We host it and they want to come back for seconds.
22. The Rodeo.
23. Two NBA Championships.  And you have?
24. All the buildings in our skyline are useful. What is that big ball anyway?
25. This one time I was in Dallas and I got a flat tire.  It was raining.  People just kept driving by.  Not one person stopped to help. I had to change the tire all by myself.  I ended up getting a case of pneumonia.  I missed three weeks of work.  I had to take all of my vacation days and when Christmas came around i couldn’t take a day off.  I missed Christmas with my kids.  In Houston, I’ve never had a flat tire.  Thanks Houston, you saved Christmas.
26. Without the President from Houston, there would be no President from Dallas.
27. You named a freeway after George H. W. Bush, then charged everyone to drive on it.  We named an Airport after him.
28. The Woodlands.
29. Love Field? Really?  Go back to California hippies!

30. Hakeem The Dream

31. Our star defensive player is creating a new category of stats, because he can.
32. We weren’t the set for the worst Batman movie of all time, Batman & Robin.  Nice outfit Chris O’Donnell.
33. Rockets Hall of Famers > Mavericks Hall of Famers
34. We as an entire city in 1922 rallied together to invent the aglet.
35. Houston has Sarah Frazier, Ryan McCredden and Garret Heinrich – Dallas has Brian Purdy & Gavin Spittle.  Win Houston.
36. In Houston you don’t have to put on makeup to go to the grocery store.  Or to check the mailbox.
37. We don’t have to dodge potholes on our freeways.

38. Our football owner doesn’t have to go in for a facelift every year.

39. Our baseball stadium is air conditioned.
40. We would have never shot JR.
41. When we hosted the Superbowl everyone actually stayed near the stadium. Not 40 minutes from it.  2 hours with ice.

42. Debbie never ….. you know what follows.

43. FC Dallas doesn’t even play anywhere near Dallas! FC Frisco for real.
44. Our trees weren’t imported. It’s science.
45. Nice man-made lakes, bro. We’ll be at the beach.
46. When people buy tickets to the Super Bowl in Houston they have seats waiting for them.

47. Your Gentleman’s Club entertainment professionals have great personalities.

48. We think your Rodeo is cute.
49. Presidents come here to live…
50. Our bridges lead to places and have a purpose.
51. Houston has more air pollution.  Which makes for a better sunset.  BOOM!  Take that Global Warming.
52. This: Shawn Bradley, meet T-Mac

53. Memorial Park is way better than White Rock Lake

54. Dallas wants to be New York, LA & The South in one.  Houston is just Houston and it rocks.

55. Saint Arnold.  MMMM Beer
56. Dallas has food trucks that think they’re cool cause they’re food trucks.  Houston has food trucks that make sweet food and don’t care what anyone thinks.
57. Our women spend more time out for a night out than getting ready for a night out.
58. How is Victory Park working out for you?  Went there alone on a Tuesday afternoon, instantly doubled the number of people.
59. Dallas was never the capital of Texas.
60. The coolest thing about our museums aren’t the escalators.
61. “Hey that guy just killed one of the greatest presidents of all time!  Let’s name a bar after him.”  Stay classy Dallas.

62. We put people on the Moon.  THE MOON!  It’s Science.

63. Beyonce.  So, Jay-Z by marriage as well.  Actually…
64. Jay-Z by marriage.
65. Fred ‘Boom Boom’ Couples.
66. Fuzzy Zoeller
67. Our Golfers Have better nick names.
68. Is there even a Dallas University?  There is? Division III?  That’s cute.
69. Number of National Championships by Schools in Houston – 18.  Number of national Championships by Schools in Dallas – 4
70. Houston was founded in 1836.  Dallas not until 1841. Always right behind us.
71. We’ve never had a horrible Bravo Reality Show based on the biggest DB’s in our city that was so annoying Bravo didn’t even keep it on the air.
72. We don’t have to rely on our neighbor to have all the better things. (i.e. Zoo, Symphony, Downtown, Stockyards)
73. Rice University invented Nanotechnology.  You guessed it.  It’s Science.
74. The Port of Houston is the 10th largest port in the world.  How big is the biggest port in Dallas? Ohh you don’t have any.  Nice.

75. We were nuked in Independence Day.  The Aliens didn’t even send a ship to Dallas.

76. No one names their annoying bratty kids Houston.
77. The first successful human heart transplant was performed in Houston.
78. A recent study that we made up for this list shows that only 1/3 of people from Dallas know how to tie their shoes.
79. There are over 80 languages spoken in Houston every day.
80. Hurricanes are better than tornadoes…have you ever had anyone throw a Tornado party? Didn’t think so.
81. Speaking of hurricanes: at least our natural disasters give us some heads up.

82. Our trophy cases are more spacious.

83. Only place in Texas you can go from the beach to a national forest in under 2 hours.

84. We didn’t have to steal a hockey team so no one could care about them.

85. The Houston Symphony and Ballet.
86. We’re just better looking.  It’s Science.
87. Your most famous player is known for dating a “celebrity” ours is known for being Defensive Player of the Year.
88. Without Fort Worth Dallas = Topeka.
89. Houston has over 8,000 top notch LOCAL restaurants.
90. Home of only the best beards ever!  ZZ Top.
91. When people say “Houston” they think the city.  When people say “Dallas” they think the show.

92. 2.3 Billion dollars is a pretty good net worth, for 1 playoff win in the last 17 years.

93. The 8th Wonder of the World.  The Astrodome.
94. We invented Life Flight.
95. Your most popular player is hated by your fans, ours is revered.

96. University of Houston’s own Carl Lewis gave the world this:


97. Two MLS Cups to zero.  Good try FC Dallas.
98. Houston, we have a problem.  It’s called Dallas.

99. #99 J.J. Watt.  It’s Science.

(Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

(Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

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