Gallant’s Random Thoughts: “Beyond The Wall” Recap

By Paul Gallant, SportsRadio 610

He is the talk show host in the darkness. He is the watcher on the couch. He is the Game of Thrones expert that guards the realm of Houston. Paul Gallant pledges his life and honor to Game of Thrones episode recaps, for this past episode and all the season 7 episodes to come

I don’t want to be the one guy that has a problem with Game of Thrones. But another episode passed, and STILL . . . the show’s most important characters CAN’T DIE. Thoros of Myr? Whatever. One of the 3 dragons? Meh.

It’s probably a bad reflection on human man Paul Gallant that I’m always looking for the surprising death of an protagonist. Blame the Red Wedding and Oberyn’s smashed skull. But it’s been WAY too long since we’ve had something like that.

WINTERFELL

Arya’s intentions are just as mysterious as Littlefinger’s. What’s her end game here? She confronts Sansa about the letter she was forced to write about Ned’s “betrayal”. But after she has a “I’ve been through worse” humble brag / “YOU DIDN’T DO ENOUGH TO SAVE PAPA” off session with her older sister, she does nothing. Why? And what was the point of that?

Meanwhile, we’re seeing everything set up for the end of Sansa. She goes STRAIGHT to Littlefinger to ask for advice on what to do with her sister. Interestingly, Littlefinger tries to calm her down, reminding her that they’re siblings. I think Sansa’s new level of political savvy is working against her here. Littlefinger has taught her to trust no one. And that’s exactly what she’s doing right now.

Let’s keep talking about the foreshadowing for Sansa’s ultimate end. She tells Brienne that she’s COMPLETELY SAFE in Winterfell despite Littlefinger’s presence. That she doesn’t need to be taken care of – “I’m a Lady! I have work (for Sansa, this seems to amount to staring at fires and putting on/removing gloves) to do!” – and that everyone is loyal to her. She says the exact same thing about everyone having her back to Arya. This show LOVES to beat you over the head with clues as to what happens next.

Back to Arya. She’s got a big old bag of masks (I believe we saw Meryn Trant and Walder Frey masks, classic serial killer collection) that Sansa now knows about. She explains that she’s a faceless man. And then, after walking up to Sansa with a knife and telling her big sister she could do the same to her . . . she just gives said knife to her and walks away. What the hell is she up to? And who is more in control . . . our favorite little assassin or Uncle Petey?

The best move for the Starks: Arya kills Littlefinger and begins to impersonate him. That way, the Knights of the Vale stay North with the Starks. Also, Lord Baelish will be dead. Probably a plus for everyone.

DRAGONSTONE

You’ve got to love cocky Dany. “I don’t like heroes.” HEY IDIOT, WAY TO FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE. YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET ONE OF YOUR KIDS KILLED IN LIKE 20 MINUTES. SOMEONE CALL PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

Tyrion and Daenerys had a nice little back and forth. And by back and forth, I mean that Tyrion gave Dany advice . . . like about how she’s impulsive and sometimes loses her temper, prompting a classic Dany temper tantrum. The next scene? She impulsively gets on her dragon to fly North of the wall to save Jon and company – in the midst of perhaps the worst plan ever conceived in Westeros – from an Army of the Dead that she’s not even sure exists. NOT HEROIC OR IMPULSIVE AT ALL, HUH DANY YOU FRAUD.

THE NORTH

Learning that Thoros of Myr was blackout drunk in the most famous moment of his life – charging through the gates of Pyke with his flaming sword (the Greyjoy Castle, speaking of which . . . that house has been missing for 3 episodes) – was certainly a charming moment. Westeros – and our world needs more functional alcoholics. He will be missed.

Tormund was the king of quotes North of the wall. Whether it was admitting he’s [probably] had sex with any available breathing thing while cold, that he wants to marry Brienne so their children can play basketball, OR reminding Jon of all the people that died because Mance Rayder was too proud to bend his knees, he made every line deliver. And of all the somewhat important characters not named Thoros or Jon, he probably came the closest to dying. I’m glad he got the hell out of there.

Now on to the army of the dead. Acquiring the dragon was neat and all, but they clearly need to prioritize recruiting polar bears. Took the entire crew to kill that beast, and it took out Thoros – a character with at least a little bit of plot armor – along the way. I was also struck by this development: that killing one of the White Walkers destroys all the zombie minions that it’s “turned” instantly. I’m surprised that we didn’t see this earlier in the show, especially during the Hardhome massacre. On top of that, I guess a zombie scream is the equivalent of an airhorn.

Between The Hound and The Night King, we had a couple of Joe Flaccos out there flinging bombs. That first rock throw by Sandor Clegane was quite impressive. The second throw? Bortles-ish.

As for the Night King, time to steal jokes from the internet!

‪Night King saw dragons flying around and started shooting like‬… #WinterIsHere

A post shared by Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) on

https://t.co/CyFSJHn8E0

By the way, I hate the people that take these and don’t credit the person who made the original (I honestly have no idea who made the original of any of these). Because these people are implying it is their own. THIEVES!

This show loves slow motion montages featuring Jon looking like he’s about to die . . . right before he gets saved. He and cocky Dany are meant for each other with all the stupid luck that they get. Hell, Jon had a dragon from a thousand miles away come attempt to save him. When that didn’t work? In comes his half zombie Uncle riding in on horseback . . . only to get off the horse, give it to Jon, and then die for good.

PS – The Zombie Bear is cooler than the Zombie dragon. Don’t at me.

EASTWATCH AND A BOAT

Ohhhhhh snap. Dany saw Jon’s bod. We all know what happens next…

Wait. She just stares creepily at him while he sleeps and sits on his bed? AND THEY DON’T EVEN MAKE OUT? WHAT IS THIS, A KID MOVIE?

Classic cocky Dany. She clearly feels something for Jon. But she starts to get emotional publicly – probably for the first time in a few seasons – and then just completely clams up. Because she’s too arrogant for anyone to see her vulnerable. And more importantly, too arrogant to make out with short guys. Just so classic. She is the absolute worst.

Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Weeknights 7-11 PM CT – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.

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