Gallant’s Random Thoughts: “The Spoils Of War” Recap

By Paul Gallant, SportsRadio 610

He is the talk show host in the darkness. He is the watcher on the couch. He is the Game of Thrones expert that guards the realm of Houston. Paul Gallant pledges his life and honor to Game of Thrones episode recaps, for this past episode and all the season 7 episodes to come

Wow.

I feel like I need a cigarette after that episode. And I wouldn’t even care about smelling like an ash tray afterwards. After all, better to smell like one than be one, am I right generic Lannister soldiers?

I only have one complaint. Cliffhangers are so 2009. Yeah, I remember spending an entire summer waiting for confirmation that Jon Snow was getting resurrected. But after that much action, to see the episode end with Jaime Lannister impersonating darted Frank The Tank?

. . . Not to throw a pity party for myself, but I’ve got a set of something that our row boat bastard bro Gendry can probably relate to.

WINTERFELL

We still don’t really have an explanation for Bran’s creepy ass compliment last week. But we do know why he’s detached. He ain’t Bran anymore, he’s the Three Eyed Raven. Sorry Meera Reed, cab fare is on the dresser.

But what is the Three Eyed Raven’s purpose, especially if he’s so detached from humanity? We haven’t had a flashback yet this season, so that might be out the window. He’s got to know all about Littlefinger’s constant schemes based off quoting the infamous “chaos is a ladder” monologue. Including that Petyr Baelish set The War Of The Five Kings in motion with that very dagger (and other previous plots). And Bran had to know the answer to the question he asked Littlefinger: who the knife belonged to (when asked by Cat Stark, Littlefinger said it was Tyrion’s . . . but told Bran he didn’t know).

This same individual is too dangerous to be trusted in the war against the White Walkers, right? So why didn’t he tell Sansa or Arya about it? Instead, he tells Sansa “it doesn’t matter” before giving the knife to Arya.

I wonder what is going through Sansa’s head right now. Other than annoyance with the fact that her siblings are a bunch of weirdos. Bran comes off as a stoner. Arya has all the makings of a future serial killer. And even though Jon was resurrected from the dead, he’s usually brooding like a guy who sits in the school cafeteria by himself.

I bet Sansa has some feelings of jealousy. Do her little brother and sister even need her anymore? Bran has powers. And Arya – as evidenced by her artistic destruction of Brienne while sparring – clearly needs no more protection. Meanwhile, Jon doesn’t listen to her – even though she’s more intelligent than him – but has more support from the people of the North.

I thought the way Sansa walked away from that the Arya and Brienne scene was telling. She was surprised at first. And then? I’m not sure exactly what, but she didn’t seem happy. During their reunion in the Winterfell crypt, Sansa went from laughing at Arya’s list – drawing another fake creepy laugh from our favorite little murderer, the second this season – to seeing all her little sister was capable of.

Honestly, Sansa’s plotting and Arya’s ability to kill are the perfect combination for a Stark revenge list. It could be the North’s version of Cersei and The Mountain. Then again, sisters are sometimes gonna sister.

Littlefinger is still too random to predict. I’m not sure what his long play was in giving the knife to Bran, but something is definitely in the works.

DRAGONSTONE

First off, Missandei . . . congrats on the sex. Wait was it sex? It was . . . a long scene at least. No need to humble brag though, right? Come on. Dany probably misses her some Daario.

OR DOES SHE? Give Jon Snow a cave to “mine minerals necessary for the salvation of the world”, and you know he’s going to start macking. For Jon, caves are like every guy’s favorite spot to take a first date (COUGH COUGH AGORA COUGH). Classic emo. But hey, it’s worked out pretty well thus far! When Jon grabbed Dany’s arm . . . and when she kept slowly taking steps towards Jon to make a couple of points . . . can we get some music please?

Oh wait, just kidding. Cocky Dany still wants knee bending . . .

Also, how about Jon getting all high and mighty again when Davos busts his chops. “Oh, she’s got a good heart? Eh Jon? HEART? Staring at that HEART Jon? Those HEARTS? You dog, you!” His response – “THERE’S NO TIME FOR THAT!” – what a square.

Lets talk about the art on the wall of the cave. The Children of the Forest were total idiots, right? The First Men were killing the sh*t out of them. So they created the White Walkers as a weapon to fight those same First Men. And doing this backfired so badly that they actually had to team up with The First Men to fight their open weapon! Sad!

Tyrion has been pretty terrible as Hand of the Queen. All of his plans – from GRADUALLY abolishing slavery in Essos and appeasing the other Masters to his strategy of taking Casterly Rock first and eventually King’s Landing – at least made sense. But they keep backfiring.

Uh Oh. What’s that? It’s loud. It’s angry. And it’s insufferable. OH NO, IT’S COCKY DANY. RUNNN!!! SHE’S HAVING A TEMPER TANTRUM AND IS ABOUT TO GO NUKE SOME PEOPLE WITH FIRE!!!

We’re left off in Dragonstone with depressing ass Theon returning. It means another week of wondering what the hell his purpose in the show is.

KING’S LANDING

Well, we figured out how the Lannisters paid off their debts to the Iron Bank. Highgarden gold – which apparently all reached King’s Landing (per Randyll Tarly) before things escalated. It looks like a lot of the crops taken from farmers in The Reach were burnt to a crisp, but does Cersei really care about that?

It’s important to note that Cersei reached out to the Gold Company – a renowned mercenary army in Essos that Stannis Baratheon ALMOST hired in season 4 – and with a loan from the Iron Bank, has apparently hired them for her army. As you’ll see in a moment, she’s going to need these guys and fast.

PS – You also have to wonder if said Golden Company runs into Daario Naharis and his Second Sons. He has yet to make an appearance this season.

A RANDOM ROAD BETWEEN HIGHGARDEN AND KING’S LANDING

It’s been a rough couple of days for Jaime Lannister. He found out who really poisoned his son Joffrey (you have to wonder how this affects any future dialogue that Tyrion might have with Jaime or Cersei) AND then he got attacked by the Dothraki and a Dragon. SAD!

It ain’t great to be Dickon Tarly either. First off, his name. LOL. Second, he just killed a bunch of people that were his friends. You can see he feels conflicted about taking Highgarden. Nice to see the occasional humanity from non core characters in the show from time to time. And third . . . Dothraki. Dragons. BAD!

Dany’s army is legitimately terrifying. Forget the dragons. It was pretty obvious that the Lannisters were scared shitless of the screaming Dothraki once they saw them on the horizon. To hear that many horses from that far away? Plus the blood curdling war cries? And that was BEFORE the Dragon. Did I mention there was a Dragon? THERE WAS A DRAGON.

You all know I hate cocky Dany, but every time she orders “Dracaris” is pretty damn hot. Combine that with the Targaryen theme in the background – and the actual VISUALS of Drogon lighting everything up, and you can see why “The Spoils Of War” resonated so much.

Let’s just discuss the simple stuff. How awe-inspiring and terrifying was it to finally see a dragon in a Game of Thrones battle? I’m not counting the scene where Dany and company took out the Masters’ Navy in season 6. That was a couple of minutes with a bunch of boats. One dragon vaporizing Lannister after Lannister was truly a sight to behold.

And now, let’s talk about one of the most tense scenes in show history: Bronn and the crossbow against Dany and Drogon. That scene had me so anxious that I was biting a metal fork.

When Bronn gets de-horsed, man, the visuals were just incredible. Put yourself in his shoes, how panicked would you be if you were in the same situation? Especially if you’re expected to man the giant cross-bow and shoot a dragon out of the sky . . . but you’ve got to stumble through a burning field with Dothraki riders charging through the smoke from every direction first? I felt like I was right there on the ground with Bronn there, and for any television show to make you feel like that . . . Bravo.

And that’s just the first part of a scene that definitely raised my blood pressure. One of the things that Game of Thrones does best is to make you feel like ANY character can be killed at any moment. But it’s been a while – probably since Oberyn fought The Mountain – since I’ve had that feeling. Especially when it comes to scenes involving Jon and Dany, who are practically invincible at this point. The 1 on 1 between Bronn on the crossbow and Dany on Drogon though . . . that feeling was back and then some.

I’m not going to lie. I wanted Cocky Dany to get hit in the face by that bolt. She went into battle on her dragon because she was having a temper tantrum. Yet AGAIN, her ridiculous luck intervenes and she survives. Meanwhile, cocky Jaime – dude, charging a dragon while on a horse with a spear, what were you thinking? – was not so lucky.

Cliffhanger time! See you next week.

PS – I was just kidding about my one complaint about the episode. I have another. Is a major character – in the Jon, Dany, Tyrion, Jaime, Cersei, Arya, Sansa, Bran, Littlefinger, or even Varys class – ever going to die on this show again? It sure doesn’t seem like it.

Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Weeknights 7-11 PM CT – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.

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