He is the talk show host in the darkness. He is the watcher on the couch. He is the Game of Thrones expert that guards the realm of Houston. Paul Gallant pledges his life and honor to Game of Thrones episode recaps, for this past episode and all the season 7 episodes to come
How long did it take you to figure out what was happening in the first scene of season 7?
Not to humble brag [humble brag alert though] but your boy figured it out in about 10 seconds. “Why are we beginning the season with a flash ba- . . . boy this scene looks extremely famil- . . . OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH $&*#@#%! THEY ALLLLLLLLL GONNA DIE!”
I didn’t think it would be possible for Arya to one up her revenge game after slitting Walder Frey’s throat . . . immediately after feeding him his sons. That was like the “Scott Tenorman must die” episode of South Park . . . except with actual murder at the end instead of a boy licking a teenager’s tears.
But Arya did it. She re-enacted the Red Wedding scene to a tee – speech, setting, and all – and now House Frey is dead. The best part . . . this line:
“Brave men, all of you. Butchered a woman pregnant with her babe. Cut the throat of a mother of five. Slaughtered your guests after inviting them into your home. But, you didn’t slaughter every one of the Starks. No, no. That was your mistake. You should have ripped them all out, root and stem.”
“Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe.”
I’m amazed by the power of the Faceless Men. It’s not just their ability to turn any dead person into an extremely clean mask. They can imitate voices too! How? Someone needs to teach ME this skill so I can do more different voices on the radio show. Hot Take Harry, Creed/90’s Rock singer, and Michael McDonald need company!
Surprise of the episode: I did NOT see Arya heading South towards King’s Landing to “Kill the Queen.” Nor did I think season 7 would be the first featuring non A-hole Lannister soldiers. It was also nice to see that Arya – who obviously hates the Lannisters – isn’t a totally murderous psychopath.
That high pitched laugh though after she said “Kill the Queen”? Chills.
Speaking of showing a little humanity, how about the Hound’s guilt after seeing the dead bodies of the farmer and his daughter that he’d robbed while with Arya in season 3?
Meanwhile, we finally learned why the Hound is so grumpy! “Experience.” Let’s put together the Power Rankings of what the Hound hates this week!
2. Fire worshiping fanatics
3. Divine Justice
4. Top knots
5. Rum: “Too Sweet”
He’s starting to remind me of . . . my sports talk show!
PS . . . the odds of an Arya and The Hound reunion have to be very high right now.
We all love Jon Snow. But the man should be a general . . . not a King. He has no idea how to be a politician. And as I said last week, Sansa Stark should rule.
Sansa is realistic. And as we learned in this episode, she seems to have learned a thing or two from Cersei Lannister. You give enemies a chance to lick their wounds in this universe, and they ALWAYS come back to bite you, if not kill you. And it seemed like many of the Northern lords agreed that houses noble to Jon Snow and Sansa Stark should take the Karstark and Umber castles.
Sansa seems totally loyal to Jon. She explains why she felt Jon’s decision wasn’t best . . . and that she WASN’T trying to undermine him. Jon asks if listening to her is going to help prevent the mistakes that Ned and Robb made before. Sansa’s response: “Would that be so terrible?”
And then Cersei’s message from King’s Landing arrived. It prompted another debate between the two . . . focusing on the threat beyond The Wall (Jon, duh) v Sansa’s fear of the Lannisters to the South.
While their conflicting ideas of strategy have yet to be resolved, I loved seeing Sansa completely reject Littlefinger like he was a drunk guy at a bar.
“I want you to be happy . . . I want you to be safe . . . what do you want that you do not have?”
“No need to seize the last word Lord Baelish. I’ll assume it was something clever.”
THE WAY NORTH
Hey what’s up with all that fog? Oh . . . it’s the Night King. And some wildlings. OH SH*T, THEY’VE GOT F*CKING ZOMBIE GIANTS.
Meanwhile, Bran arrived at Castle Black and met new Lord Commander Edd Tollett. Then began to psycho-analyze him. I wonder how long it will take for Bran’s powers to annoy the sh*t out of everyone he meets.
Cersei Lannister is seriously over-estimating her power. She’s acting entirely too calm. No allies. No food. Jaime gets it. Cersei . . . not so much. But hey, she turned the Red Keep floor into a giant map of Westeros, so she means business you guys!
Most interesting line between the Lannisters? Cersei saying that Tommen had betrayed both she AND Jaime. It’s true. He picked ole Marge over Mommy, banished Jaime from King’s Landing until he took Riverrun, and then eliminated trial by combats . . . in essence forcing Cersei’s hand (Whoops).
Euron . . . he hasn’t had a whole lot of screen time. But he sells his crazy quite well. And he’s great at dissing Jaime . . . from referencing the fact that he has “two good hands” to telling Cersei she should try murdering her own brother some time (“It feels wonderful”)
Cersei declines Euron’s hand in marriage. So Euron says he’ll return with a gift. Whats the gift? The only thing I can think of is the body of a dead enemy. Olenna Tyrell? Ellaria Sand? Someone else?
Sam’s book carrying, soup serving, poop cleaning scene deserved some 80’s montage music. Major fail by the show. My choice:
Amazingly, the Arch-Maester at the Citadel BELIEVES Sam is telling the truth about the White Walkers being back. And yet, he won’t let Sam into the restricted section of the library. Why? The Wall.
There were three references to The Wall this episode, from The Arch-Maester, Sansa, and The Hound (who had a vision about it). When Thrones bombards you with comments in passing about something important, it usually means it’s going to be gone.
My hot take: The Wall is coming down this season.
Oh yeah. It seems Jorah has SUPER Gray Scale now. Will that be his only appearance this season? I see no reason for Sam to come back and interact with a random crazy sick prisoner . . . but I’ve been wrong before.
Dany’s home. Neat. Thanks for the 5 minute scene of walking up stairs and opening closed doors, showrunners. It was so neat. “Shall we begin” . . . what a great payoff.
More neat? Sam discovering that Dragonstone is on top of a massive mountain of Dragonglass.
Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Weeknights 7-11 PM CT – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.