Oh. Hi everybody. A long, long time ago I actually used to blog my hot takes. I miss it. So I’m going to try and make this a weekly feature . . . until I get lazy and procrastinate again. Here are some things that have boogied in my brain:
1. There aren’t a whole lot of people that actually believe the Texans can win a playoff game . . . let alone win a Super Bowl. But I know there are at least some. And if there’s one thing I enjoy doing, it’s crushing the hopes and dreams of straw man armies.
“BUT PAUL, THE ’00 RAVENS, ’02 BUCS, AND ’15 BRONCOS WON SUPER BOWLS WITH BELOW AVERAGE TO BAD QBS AND GREAT DEFENSES. IF THEY CAN DO IT, WHY CAN’T THE TEXANS?”
Hmmm, probably because they were . . . well . . . HISTORIC defenses. You know, some of the best units of all time. In their playoff runs, here’s what those 3 teams did:
’00 Ravens: 3.5 sacks per game, 3 takeaways per game, 12.5 points allowed per game
’02 Bucs: 3.67 sacks per game, 4.33 takeaways per game, 12.33 points allowed per game
’15 Broncos: 4.67 sacks per game, 2.33 takeaways per game, 14.66 points allowed per game
These teams made 6-7 big plays per game AND gave up less than 15 points per game (Can the Texans even score 16 points per game?). They also scored 7 defensive touchdowns over the 10 combined games they played.
Sorry. That ain’t the Texans. It’s a good defense . . . but it’s not one that makes plays consistently. They don’t get enough sacks. They don’t force enough takeaways. And there’s nothing that they’ve done recently that should lead YOU to believe they can.
2. The Hungry Eyes Are Back
This popped up after an interview that Adam Schefter did on WEEI in Boston. He based the QB trade market off what the Vikings gave up to get Sam Bradford from the Eagles: a 1st and a 4th.
Let’s forget how stupid it is to give up a first round pick to have Sam Bradford lead you to a .500 record. Because this is a conversation that the Texans will likely have with themselves this offseason.
And they should. Garoppolo looked good in limited action this year.
Yes, the Texans have already been down this road before with some of Tom Brady’s other backups. And the pass protection on their offensive line (especially on the right side) might be just as big an issue as Brock Osweiler was. But if you want A CHANCE at better QB play in 2017, this is the way to go. Taking a flyer on a prospect towards the end of the first round . . . or in the middle rounds . . . will require patience that the city of Houston doesn’t have anymore.
3. Speaking With Athletes: Overrated
“I’m just going to make sure people — it’s a privilege to have me up there,” Sherman told reporters at his locker. “You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.”
I love Richard Sherman. But he’s dead wrong. Just like talking heads in the media are extremely replaceable (oh . . . really? . . . SHIT), so too are athletes that love speaking their mind (though very few are as intelligent).
I suppose Sherman’s point was that reporters who cover the Seahawks/NFL will miss having free content for stories without him. But by refusing to talk . . . he is actually DOING the reporters job for them. Now they have a story to get indignant about. #Content
By the way, I’m not the biggest fan of going into the Texans locker room and talking with players . . . because I don’t learn anything. And I think it’s a league wide problem. Players have been coached to be as politically correct as possible while speaking entirely in cliches. And coaches don’t seem entirely truthful when pressed by uncomfortable questions. I do not know how beat writers do it.
4. Rogue One Was Great
I’m a huge Star Wars nerd. It’s probably my second favorite fictional universe, well behind Game of Thrones but ahead of The Elder Scrolls video game series. So literally ANY MOVIE without Jar Jar Binks and/or Hayden Christensen would have done it for me.
It was very good. A little slow at first, and the characters aren’t particularly deep. But once you get to the action, you’ll be hooked.
Then again, that may have just been the bottle of wine kicking in about an hour into the movie . . .
Without spoilers, here’s what I’ll say about the movie:
- Ben Mendelsohn is pretty compelling as the main villain (unfortunately, not Bloodline level)
- The movie’s best character? It is a droid. And not a lame squid like that C-3PO
- There is a whole lot of CGI in the movie. I’m going to talk about the most prominently featured one: Grand Moff Tarkin. First off, they shouldn’t have killed him off in A New Hope. There are way too many dumbass Imperial officers that we had to deal during the rest of the original trilogy, and this guy is a beast. Also, I KNEW I couldn’t be the only person who noticed this. They sound alike too
- Disney did NOT Disney-fy the movie. They let them control the whole thing, and it worked. They’re 2 for 2 with the franchise reboot, and I’m looking forward to seeing a Star Wars flick every year for the forseeable future.
5. So Is Black Mirror
There are 3 seasons of this show – which is basically The Twilight Zone set in the not too distant future – and I watched the first one. It’s a good show, and will really make you think about some of the technology that has changed our lives over the last couple of years. It’s dark, and a little depressing. Especially because you can totally see some of the episodes (each episode takes place in what seems to be its own universe) coming to life IN OUR LIFETIME.
6. The best part of Holidays: Stress Free Naps
I don’t nap. I think it’s because I don’t know how to do it.
First off, I turn into a zombie whenever I fall asleep. Once I go down for the count, I’m out like a log. And I actively refuse to get out of bed. Whoever invented the snooze button is a giant bag. It’s the worst. I will routinely press it 5-6 times until I can no longer stand the guilt of having wasted half a day in bed. This applies for full nights of sleep AND the occasional nap I take.
Second, whenever I wake up from a nap, I feel like I’m in another universe 6 hours past when I was supposed to wake up. This typically results in me having a mini panic attack until I realize that I’m no longer in college and DIDN’T forget to take that pesky Spanish exam (a class I’ve never taken, this is the typical nightmare I have). I guess that Paul Gallant naps really means nightmares.
But during the Holidays? Naps are the best. I can sleep all day – aided by stuffing my body with food and alcohol – and no one can judge me. I guess this officially makes me an old.
Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Tuesdays 9-11 PM, Wednesdays 8-11 PM, and Fridays 8-11 PM on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.