By Paul Gallant, SportsRadio 610By Paul Gallant

HOUSTON (CBS Houston) – To the 2014 Houston Texans: may you rest in peace.

We shall never forget the curiously chinned fire-cracker who rescued us from our darkest hour . . . and brought us back to the light. Songs shall be sung of a half-man/half-unicorn . . . one who brought the NFL to its knees. Books will be written of a warrior-poet who put an entire offense on his back [dude]. Hell, we even saw this guy again.

There were good times. There were bad times. And now, we turn the page. Looking onward . . . to whatever the future might bring.

I feel some depressing music is in order. And no, not THIS song.

Let’s take a brief look at Sunday.


Still ‘Dre

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Andre Johnson dominate a game like he did on Sunday. 10 catches. A rare touchdown catch. And 134 yards receiving, the first time he’s caught for 100+ since December 5th, 2013 . . . also against the Jaguars.

Andre was very candid after the game, talking about J.J. Watt’s MVP candidacy, his relationship with coach O’Brien, and most importantly – his thoughts on his future with the Texans.

“To be honest, no. I never really thought about it until one of my teammates came up to me and said, ‘I hope this is not your last game here.’ I think that’s when it really hit me and I was like, ‘Man…’ because I really hadn’t thought about it. I was just more worried about enjoying being out on the field and playing. When they said that, it kind of hit me a little bit. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to be my last time here so to be honest, I really haven’t given it much thought.”

Bill O’Brien had an interesting quote about him after the game.

“He’s played a lot of years in this league and it’s really good to see him go out on a winning note today, as far as the end of the season here, and scoring a touchdown. I just can’t say enough about Andre.”

I don’t want to read too much into a quote. But it was fairly interesting to see O’Brien seemingly correct himself mid-quote. Read before the bold, and it reads (and sounded) like it could have been the last Houston hurrah for Andre.

The Terminator

3 sacks. A safety. And a legendary bromance moment. Ladies and gentlemen, J.J. Watt.

And that’s all I’m writing on him. You know what he did. You know what he’s been doing. You have eyes. And he’s pretty good.

This is where I shift into a side rant. Guys like Marshawn Lynch and Arian Foster are contractually obligated to talk to the media. I understand that. But the melodramatic, whining outrage that NFL reporters show – usually on twitter – when players don’t “cooperate” with them legitimately angers me.

Yo, reporter. You have eyes. Is a cliché-laden ten word description of a play really necessary in the 21st century? Nope. Not at all. Embedded youtube clips, vines, and other forms of online media provide FAR more value than a players memory of something that happened in a matter of seconds.

Beast-Quake 2.0? It spoke for itself. Foster back at practice running full speed in August? That spoke for itself too. Players might be contractually obligated to talk with the media. But they aren’t contractually obligated to do your job for you. Think about that the next time you start a question with “Tell me about . . . “.

And stop whining. The only people who sympathize with you are your colleagues. Who probably comprise 1% of your following.


The Thin [Chance Of Succeeding] Red Flag

What do The Thin Red Line and Bill O’Brien’s challenges have in common? Despite noble intentions – the movie featuring an all-star cast, the flag potentially giving the Texans a better chance at winning – they’re failures that waste a lot of your time.

I don’t know what O’Brien was thinking when he challenged a five yard reception on the first play of the game. It didn’t make a lot of sense. What I do know: O’Brien and the Texans are 1-8 for challenges on the year. BAD.

MY LEG, My leg

Arian Foster’s hamstring struck again. Ow.

Case Keenum

Want a misleading stat line? Look no further than Case Keenum.

25-35. 250 yards. 2 TD. 1 INT. Those are some great numbers right?

WRONG . . . and another example of how fantasy football is ruining the sport as we know it. Yes, Keenum had a completion percentage on the north side of 50 for a change. And he had his moments, particularly when throwing the ball to Andre Johnson.

But most of his completions – 10 by my count after re-watching the game – came on screen passes and check downs. THIS WAS HIS LONGEST “PASS”. And 7 of his 10 incompletions were woefully inaccurate.

I know that the Cult of Keenum thinks I have an agenda against the guy. Trust me, I don’t. I just don’t think he’s a capable NFL quarterback.

Put some serious thought into it, honks. Keenum was the only reason the Jaguars WERE IN THIS GAME. His embarrassing underthrow to DeAndre Hopkins – who was so wide open he could have scored a touchdown – resulted in a Jaguars pick six. And a brain fart moment in the pocket – where he held the ball for nearly 5 seconds – ended with him fumbling away the ball to Jacksonville. The Jags would score on the very next play.

Still need convincing? The Texans – without Arian Foster, and with just a four . . . then six point lead in the fourth quarter – didn’t pass the ball ONCE over the final 13:30 of the game. Blouses bro – I’m done with this conversation . . . forever.

Paul Gallant hosts the “B-Straw and Pauly G” show – Tuesdays 9-11 PM, Wednesdays 8-11 PM, and Fridays 8-11 PM – with Brien Straw. Get in contact with Paul on Twitter – @PaulyGSays – or on Facebook – Paul Gallant.

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