HOUSTON (CBS Houston) – To me, a fourth preseason game is torture. It’s a final trial by combat for a bunch of guys I’ll likely forget in a week. And another reminder that meaningful football games are just out of my grasp.
So if sitting through a fourth preseason game is like being locked in a room watching Caillou, how should I describe the wreckage that was the 49ers 40-13 victory over the Texans?
Easy. A perfect excuse to
watch college football games on my ipad, write a lazy column make another Game of Thrones reference. This was like seeing Aaron Paul rob Peter Dinklage Tyrion Lannister of HIS RIGHTFUL EMMY. PLAY THE MUSIC!
Oh yeah, what the hell was I supposed to talk about? That’s right…that crap game. Here are my extremely quick takeaways:
BAM! You probably haven’t heard creative rhymes like that since [insert rap song that I’m too musically challenged to know about]!!! Let’s be honest. Keo outclassed every Texan on the field tonight. He made plays on special teams. Made impressive open field take downs. And led the team in tackles – recording 8 solo and 11 total. He did everything he possibly could to make the roster against San Fran.
Mercilus – THE MERCILESS
Oops, I did it – dished out some rhyming wit – again. Good lord, I’m hysterical.
For the second straight game, Mercilus looked the way he’s supposed to look. He’s a former first round pick. And he’s going up against players fighting to make the team. Matchups like that should lead to dominance. Just like vintage Andy Reid competing in Punt, Pass, and Kick. (Side note: if big old Andrew lost to any of those little teacups, he should’ve been banned from the NFL. He was like Chewbacca among Ewoks.)
I feel that Mercilus did deserve some time transitioning to Romeo Crennel’s 3-4. For the third time in four years, he has different responsibilities in a different defense. The big question is this: can the confidence he’s (hopefully) built over the last two games finally carry over when he’s playing against starters? We’ll have to wait and see.
Fighting For A Spot
Some quick notes on the few other Texans who stood out Thursday night:
- WR Keshawn Martin’s sideline catch in Q1 was a thing of beauty. He’s come a long way
- RB Jonathan Grimes was the only offensive skill player that regularly stood out
- K Randy Bullock locked up the starting gig with a 52 yard field goal.
- Rookie MLB Max Bullough was all over the field, and provided effective coverage
- Rookie DE Jeoffrey Pagan also made an impact, recording 7 tackles
- Rookie CB Andre Hal had ANOTHER pick 6
- And CB Josh Victorian made another tackle on special teams
Literally – and actually literally, not the fake literally that my terrible generation overuses in conversation every day – everything else. So let’s do more bullet points…
- Case Keenum: didn’t prove he’s a competent backup QB. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM.
- Tom Savage: didn’t either, AND joined the esteemed “Ahh @!#%, a Texan QB threw a pick 6” club
- Xavier Su’A Filo: Bro, please never play left tackle again.
- Tyson “Captain Unnecessary Cutblock” Clabo: Never play ever again. Also, GET OFF MY PLANE.
- Alex Kupper: we’re going to need you to get better, son.
- Eddie Pleasant: Covered a lot like Brandon Harris
- Brandon Harris: Is still Brandon Harris
- The offense: Can’t convert third downs (2-11) or stretch the field (averaged 3.7 yards per attempt)
- The special teams: Couldn’t generate big plays and allowed a blocked punt
- And the defense: Allowed TWO touchdowns after the two minute warning for the second straight game
As expected, the Texans have a lot of things to work on. So chop, chop – make your cuts to 53 and figure yourself out.
Because $#!% gets real next week.
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