Before you start ripping me with hateful, angry comments, let me inform you this post is written for fun. If you can’t handle sarcasm, you might not want to read any further.
Originally posted to Chron.com, here are 10 ideas the Astros might want to implement to encourage more people to attend games. I came up with this list since the team itself isn’t winning and isn’t luring in tons of fans.
- Let kids under 12 run the bases after the games, every game. Let adults, especially the drunk ones, run the bases on special adults-run-the-bases nights.
- Cheerleaders. Why not? The presence of little cheering hotties will at the very least reduce the chance of awkward silence between at-bats or during inning changes.
- Instead of the Taco Bell sauce mascot races, have Carlos Lee race some chubby fan halfway around the field. (This should have been included in Lee’s contract.)
- The Astros could try an approach to deciding the roster similar to the way contestants advance on NBC’s The Voice. An online fan vote or text vote should determine the bottom two players, and Brad Mills can decide which of the bottom two to save from being cut.
- Here’s an idea: Let just ONE person throw out the first pitch.
- Let some chump in the nosebleeds throw out that first pitch. And make sure it’s some dude, who thinks he’s awesome because he played shortstop in little league but will probably look ridiculous.
- Here’s an idea: Sell REAL margaritas and not the toilet water ritas that are usually sold at sports venues.
- For select weekend games, close off Texas Ave. and have block parties.
- Do not hold in-game give-aways of gift baskets filled with canned beans or whatever that stuff was. Make it something interesting. How about a segway? Or the chance to watch the game from the dugout? Or a free round of drinks for the winner’s buddies?
- Let Brad Mills be the first manager to not wear a uniform that matches his players. I’ve never understood it. Gary Kubiak doesn’t walk the Texans sideline in a helmet and pads. And Kevin McHale doesn’t wear basketball shorts and Jordans when he coaches during Rockets games.
Bonus suggestion: Bring Orbit back.
Obviously, these ideas are just for fun. So help me out. What are your ideas to make Astros games more interesting?
You may now proceed with your hateful, angry comments.