Twins: A 30-Year Old Virgin & A Wild One
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Sex, Love and Relationships with Anna-Megan Raley
So you thought I was writing about the blond twins who cheer for the Texans. Nope. Sorry, I tricked you. But this story wreaks of more bizareness than this photo does of super-blond twin hotness.
Mr. Get-Drunk-A-Lot, one of my charming ex-boyfriends, has two best friends he’s known since he was in grade school. The twins – let’s call them PrudeBoy and PartyBoy – are hefty boys, who look so incredibly similar but could not be any more different in at least one way. As you can imagine, Mr. Get-Drunk-A-Lot and PartyBoy get along great, and the two have always enjoyed razzing PrudeBoy, the shy, conservative of the group. They’ve picked on him for years and continue to do so, even as adults.
Besides being hammered all the time, Mr. Get-Drunk-A-Lot is pretty normal socially and gets along well with others, but he chooses some pretty interesting BFFs.
PartyBoy does not keep a regular job. He’s been known to shower with the neighbor’s water hose because he couldn’t pay the water bill, and he typically spends all his money on booze, chewing tobacco, porn and pizza. Even better, he’ll hook up with just about any woman he can.
PrudeBoy does contribute plenty of his salary to chewing tobacco and pizza and can be a slobby party animal at times, but he’s nothing like his brother when it comes to intimacy with women. He’s the only straight man I’ve ever met to reach 30 without ever having sex with somebody other than himself. I don’t know if I’m impressed with PrudeBoy’s commitment to saving himself for the right woman or if I’m disheartened that his real problem might be about his lack of confidence due to a lifetime of being overweight.
Regardless of his supposed promise to himself for the sake of a one-day wife who is not yet known, PrudeBoy allowed his twin, Mr. Get-Drunk-A-Lot and some other idiot buddies to make an investment that they thought would help change his life forever. They bought him a hooker and a hotel room.
I guess that’s the ideal combo.
Did PrudeBoy lose his 30-year old virginity with sex that was purchased? No. It’s much worse, but I’ll give you the shortened version.
PrudeBoy freaked out. Hooker got paid, and nobody got laid. Let’s just say she was naked, and his panic attack was untimely.
I don’t really have a lesson from this story to offer other than to spend your money wisely and don’t be such a raging alcoholic that I give you the nickname Mr. Get-Drunk-A-Lot.